Some time ago, there was a piece in a music mag which expressed the opinion that the last Rolling Stones song worth a shite was ‘It’s Only Rock N’ Roll (But I Like It)’. Bear in mind, said song was released in 1974. So what the fuck have they done since then? This article doesn’t intend to have a go at the Rolling Bones’ entire career. Frankly, we haven’t got the time to pump out a 50,000 word article and we all know they were, are and will be hilariously overrated anyway. Instead, we take umbrage with the miserable circus that encompasses their most recent movements…which with men as old as they are, aren’t very regular.
|JAGGER'S O-FACE REVEALED|
Not content with hoarding more money than most nations, the Moaning Groans announced the release of ANOTHER greatest hits set. Where most people thought 40 Licks was a suitable summation of their 800 year career, it seems Jagger et al were not satisfied. Available in myriad, ever-expanding formats, each more expensive and needless than the last, GRRR is another blatant money-grab from the last group on Earth that should be doing such things. Accompanying this corporate rape-fest, the announcement of a 50th anniversary ‘tour’ was met with rose-tinted rapture by the broadsheets and Smash Hi…sorry, NME. Such outlets glossed over the criminal ticket prices; the cheapest being £106. For that price you’ll be stuck in the nosebleeds. You may as well sit in the garden and watch an ant hill as you slam ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’ on yr headphones. With the Moulding Gnomes’ combined age trumping that of the U.S.A., their “tour” would never be as such. Bypassing all of mainland Europe, Russia, Asia, Africa and South America, the group plumped for a mere four dates in London (of course!) and New York (OF COURSE!). Even the most blindly loyal fan should see be able to see this as the affront it actually is. What exactly is stopping them from playing at least two massive gigs on each continent? They would still exclude vast numbers of people, but at least a maintainable, feasible and (most importantly for them) financially rewarding concession will have been made.
|STONES REVEAL NEW DRUMMER|
The bigger question is, why would anybody want to see this murder of cadavers anymore? Anybody who saw the Martin Scorcese docu-gig Shine a Light for what it really was (i.e. a tepid, confusing musical gangbang) already know to stay away. Those actually attending should expect nothing more than watching Richards & Co. clang through ‘Last Time’ with the same pathetic irony that sees The Who crawl through ‘My Generation’ night after night.
Charles Montgomery Burns said it best: “Have the Rolling Stones killed.”